When Heaven seem silent

Many times prayers are not answered in the way we think they should be. Sometimes when life is painful, the heavens seem silent.

I remember feeling this during a particular time in my life when I was changing careers. I had received an answer to a prayer to pursue a particular business that in the end was not profitable.

I had partnered up with another individual doing consulting, leadership training and human development for businesses. We had been going door to door consulting with companies giving them bids for our trainings and coaching. We called our company, Momentum Leadership. We did several trainings throughout this four month period, but not enough to sustain an income for both of us. It was causing a lot of turmoil in my marriage. My husband said we could not afford me being away from home so much and not making a steady income. At that time, Momentum Leadership had a large bid out to provide a substantial amount of training and I said to God, if we don’t get this contract, I have no choice but to stop doing this business that I had originally felt I inspired to do. When the contract did not come in, I was devastated. I was angry with God. “Why did you lead me down this path if in the end, I could not continue it due to lack of funds? Why did I trust? Do I not receive answers like I thought I did? Where did the answer to start Momentum Leadership come from in the first place? Was it not you? Was I deceived? Why is this happening?”

I was on the floor bawling, wondering if every other prayer that had been answered was also a fluke? Was God even real? I questioned all my beliefs and spiritual experiences. I went to bed emotionally drained, frustrated and not wanting to hear an answer ever again for the fear of being deceived. About 30 min. later Margie, a dear friend called me and said “I was just saying my prayers before going to bed and had a strong impression to call you and let you know God is aware of you and loves you. I don’t know why but maybe you need to hear it.” Sniffling, I told Margie of my experience of having to quit the business I loved and had felt inspired to start. She responded that although we don’t have complete understanding of why things happen, there is a reason and lessons can always be learned from the experience. From our view point, we can’t see the whole picture but more will be revealed as we continue to put our trust in God.

It was because of Momentum Leadership that I gained clarity in wanting to serve in the self-help field. I gained confidence doing trainings for businesses and saw the break-through individuals received as a result of our consulting. It was soon after that, that I began offering trainings in my home to small groups of individuals looking for personal development. I started seeing clients one on one offering “personal empowerment sessions” charging $30.00 an hour. I began attending more alternative healing modality trainings, learning about emotional pain and how to heal it. I became passionate on my journey and read every text I could get my hands on concerning the topic. Although fear overcame me many times and my career took many detours so that I could bring in enough money to sustain, I eventually became full time seeing clients and teaching. 9 years later, here I am, training others to do what I am most passionate about. AND NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY…

When the heavens seem silent or answers to prayers aren’t what you thought was the ideal end result. Be patient, trust, watch and listen. There is more information to come for you that will be for your higher good.

Are you experiencing change and or pain in your life?

The summer solstice is tomorrow morning. That means the earth’s energy is changing. We are officially in a new season as of 5:30 am on June 21st. With each season, the earth goes through, frequency’s or energy is also changing. I believe the earth is taking on a higher vibration. The planet is moving closer to Christ consciousness or that of unconditional love. With that higher vibration comes change for us. If you are experiencing change which can be painful, celebrate it. It is there to teach you a valuable lesson about who you are to bring you closer to unconditional love.

3 simple steps to move through change and or pain with grace and ease.
1. Instead of “Why me?” ask “What can I learn from this?”
2. See the Message of Love – which is who you are is a Divine Individual wanting to learn about this experience. Somewhere, sometime you agreed and even volunteered for this experience to learn more about the truth of who you are.
3. Quiet your mind to receive answers and journal those answers.

All of your experiences, especially the painful ones are designed to get your attention to discover more of the truth of who you are. Congratulations on moving more towards Christ Consciousness. If you are looking for more insight on this, feel free to email me.


Lessons from our deceased loved ones

Memorial Weekend is the time of the year to contemplate our loved ones who have crossed over. (scroll to the bottom of the page first so you can hear the songs I created to play for you while reading this article. The first is “There can be Miracles when you believe” It is my wish for you to receive miracles concerning your loved ones.)

Passing is a near and dear subject to me as I have experienced the loss of many I love. It seems that recently this subject has been more prevalent as I have received inquiries about loss and grieving.

It has always been a fascinating topic for me. Some of my most profound spiritual experiences have been feeling the presence of those relationships who are now in spirit form. I have learned much from them about the other side.

One who is near and dear to me is my husband’s first wife, Julie, whom I have never met here in the physical. However, she is a very dear friend as she has been a tremendous influence in my life and my marriage. She has helped me as a mother and a wife; in many instances, she guides me with what to say and do. I feel her presence when I am with her children, my step-children and she teaches me how to love them unconditionally. She has also many times helped me see my husband from a more spiritual point of view when I have needed to understand him.
She taught me much about unconditional love. The first time I felt her presence brought so much love to me that I was humbly overwhelmed with tears of joy. She taught me that there is no such thing as the emotion of jealousy in this spirit realm where she resides. After feeling her presence, I could never feel jealous or anything but love for her. This has been a great blessing in my life, for as many of you know, when someone crosses over, they can be exalted and put on a pedestal, and being the second wife, I wondered if I could measure up. It was important for me to have the experiences with her that I did so that I would not feel inadequate coming into this family 14 years ago.

My Father’s passing taught me that we can be loved and comforted with these loss relationships anytime we desire. We must learn to quiet the chatter in our minds so we can sense their presence and listen. One day when I was mourning my father’s passing he came and reminded me that he is available anytime I need him, he let me know that time and space cannot separate us and he would be there for me. These relationships can actually be more available to us now than they were on earth as we come to understand this concept. Time and space does not have to separate us. From their new perception, they can understand us better by experiencing our point of view. There is not much room for mis-perceptions as there was when they were alive and communicating with us. They desire to reach us and speak to us. They’re love for us comforts our grieving hearts. Ask to hear, feel, smell, and even receive their touch in a way that is possible for you.

If you are in deep pain with the loss of a loved one, you may need a grieving session where I take you through learning to access your loved one and commune with them. Together we transform the broken, empty space in your heart that their passing left and create a new relationship there so that you can experience them with love rather than pain.

I also have trained Life Coaches who can take you through this process if I am not available. Don’t worry if you are not local, My life coaches and I see clients all over the world using a program called skype where you can see me and I can see you. http://www.awakenwithin.net/sessions.html

I have written an E-book, “Understanding Death of the Body” that is available when you sign up on my front page www.awakenwithin.net.

It will take you to a page of free stuff for you where you can find the E-book. If you have already signed up and don’t have the link to the free stuff, you can email me and I will send it to you. Also on my website is an audio download on how to be more spiritually connected with your angels and deceased loved ones. It’s an 11 part audio packed with A Lot of information for only $27.00 www.awakenwithin.net/shop-books.html.

It’s my wish and desire that you connect with your loved ones in a way that heals your broken, grieving heart. My prayers are with you.

Happy Easter (click on link to Glenda Green, Artist’s website)

This weekend my heart is full of gratitude for Him. He is my Master, Teacher and Life Partner. It is because of Him that I do what I do. I celebrate this weekend as his birthday since it is the weekend that he is most celebrated and I believe it is not only his birth into immortality but also near his physical birth on the planet.

Yeshua, as I have come to know him taught me how to let go of attachments and turn all my pain over to him. He taught me how to trust, how to forgive and how to see others through His eyes. It was him who held my shaking body when I lost my first love. I was pleading in a heap on the floor with a broken heart begging God to take away the pain after my divorce. “Who would be there to love me and my 3 children?” I pleaded. The convulsions ceased as I felt his arms envelop me like a warm blanket “I LOVE YOU AND THAT’S ALL YOU’LL EVER NEED” A life-changing moment for me.

At the most painful moment in my life, giving up my children in a custody battle, He was there. He took each of my children when I laid them on the altar in my sacred meadow. It was at that time I purged my soul to him. Not knowing how I would survive without my 4, 6, and 8 yr. old living with me. My whole identity of who I thought I was as a mother was ripped out from under me. It was He who gave me a new IDENTITY. I was awakened to remember who I really am. It is this reason, I so desire others to have the same experience. This is how I came to be. We come to teach that which is our greatest challenge in overcoming.

I encourage you this weekend (Even if you are not Christian) to commune with Him. He is an Enlightened Being and He wants to be your life partner. Consider the possibility He wants you to see him as your equal and best friend. He wants you to see yourself through His eyes. Request this.. Your life will never be the same.

When I meditate with Him, this portrait is the man I see. My friend, Bob Nelson showed this painting of Him to me several years ago. When I saw it, I wept feeling his exquisite love. Of all his portraits, this one has hit home to me the most.
Glenda Green the talented artist tells her touching story here of how she came to paint him.
Spend some time checking out her site, she is incredibly gifted. Her story is beautiful. Take some time this weekend to meditate on His love for you. ASK Him who you are….

Come back to the love you are

“What would create the most amount of healing in the shortest amount of time?” I have been asking this question since the beginning of 2010. “How can I – We get a message of hope, healing, peace and love to the world?”

The answer always comes back to love. Teach, show and be the love that you are. We are all love. Love is who you are and love is all you are. Everything else you are acting from is an illusion or an act coming from a place of need. Need to prove, need to get, need to have, …..need to try and be something because we believe we’re not. This need or lack is born from the ego, who believes we are separated from that love and does everything it can to try to obtain the feeling of it. Yet it is already within you, me and everyone. AWAKENING IT is our journey here on planet earth.

What if you, I, we, the world really got this concept of love? What would the world be like? If you are reading this message, you are answering the call to come back to the love that you are. Congratulations! If you’re wondering what that looks like, quiet your mind and ask. The answer is within you. “How can I be and act the love that I am?” This is your purpose here. To learn and teach this to others in a way that is unique only to you.

My own answer has come to instill that love in others through products and playshops. This year that is where my focus is. I have created a journal and a day planner that are designed to raise your vibration daily. (If you don’t have these tools, get them today….) tools for your AWAKENING

Today I am creating music with my friend Ken Kruckenberg. Actually I am sitting here sending love and writing while we are in his studio and he is the one (with the angels) creating music. Ken is a very talented musician and light worker. (click on his name to see his website.) He created the music on Heather Macauley’s cd ‘The Silent Language of Peace’ which I also highly recommend.

Spirit prompted me to request of Ken to create a musical cd to play in the background of your work and home environment to clear negative energies, raise vibration and create unconditional love. Karen is Ken’s partner. She is a very talented Intuitive. She and I met this morning to create a sacred space for Ken. I was very honored to create a ritual with her.

I am so excited about this project! I want you all to be part of it because it is for you! Please send your love and intention for the music to transform you as you listen to it. Here is the actual email I sent to Ken and Karen. (Kelly and Jessica I refer to in the email are dear souls who have recently crossed over)

Watch for the music to be released soon! I will keep you posted.

Hi Ken and Karen,
I am blessed to know you both and work with you on this project. It could not be completed without either of you. There is a sense of urgency for this music to be created. I am humbled to play a part with such masters as you both. Ken, your gift is amazing and you have been chosen to use it to channel HIS LOVE. I know it will bless millions of lives on earth as well as many existences, including right now for Jessica and Kelly.

Karen Could you meet with me at 10 in the morning to cleanse the place?
This is very sacred work, and I will prepare myself as well through meditation, prayer and what I put in my body.
Please try to avoid harsh foods or chemicals in the next 24 hours.

Bless you both..
(Ken, know that you have elected to do this long ago. You have already created it in another existence. You will just be tapping into remembering it. )
Here is my intention for the music
• Ken is a clear channel of unconditional love
• The music transforms negative energies back to a state of wholeness
• The music is a vibrational match to whole and healthy chakras
• Each note is infused with God Source
• As each person hears, feels, experiences the music, their spirits are lifted to levels of compassion, understanding, forgiveness and transformation.
• The music will be played as background music in people’s homes to transform relationships, heartache, depression and pain
• Ultimately the music will be a conduit to acknowledge God Source as each individual gets who and what they are as being ONE with IT
• The more individuals listen to it, the more peace and joy they will experience as part of their reality

Lots of love to you both with many blessings for co-creating this…
I love you.

Intuitive Life Coaching Highland UT

Left to right upper: Monica Taylor, Leslie Johnson, Judy Nelson, Daniel Biddulph, Carolyn Knight, Lisa Louvar, Kathy Benjamin, Colleen Crystal, Sandra Weller
Bottom: Kathy Carlson, Daphne Taylor, John Crystal.

We had some AAAMAZING BREAKTHROUGHS! I don’t think individuals realize when they come to training to learn a process, how much processing they themselves go through. There were several individuals who looked lighter and free’er (is that a word?) by the time training was over. I am so excited to see this group use their gifts and talents! I am honored to know you all!
“Wow! What a weekend. Just wanted to thank all of you! It was great to get to know you. I feel I have come so far in such a short period of time. Where have you been all my life Sandy? Thanks for showing up for me. As I stepped into that prayer circle on Sunday, the emotions and tears just started. I had no control over them. Thank you all for helping me to heal this. Your love, prayers, and energy all connected with the power of God. Thank you Leslie for seeing the pink heart chakra and gold light chakra and Sandy for directing the healing. I was able to open my heart and see the love and healing.”

Farewell to Michael

This weekend we witnessed the tragic death of Michael Jackson. My heart is filled with sorrow as I watched this man emotionally struggle through life. He was the constant focus of the media because of his sometimes bizarre behavior. Yet I believe he was also one of the most misunderstood people.

His song “Have you Seen My Childhood” (playing right now on my play list at the bottom of the page) depicts a life of loneliness and pain.
“I’m searching for the world that I come from
Cause I’ve been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart…
No one understands me….
It’s been my fate to compensate, for the Childhood I’ve never known…
Before you judge me, try hard to love me. The painful youth I’ve had.”

click here for a beautiful rendition of his childhood pictures with this song. You may need to copy and paste it in your browser.

This was an amazing talented human being who missed his childhood and I believe as a result constantly looked to find love for himself through other means. It’s amazing that someone so popular with sold out audiences felt unloved. Yet our childhood programming is so powerful that it becomes our truth. His beliefs about not being loved and accepted became his truth and showed up throughout his life as he tried to become something he wasn’t.

The world witnessed as he went from an attractive black young man to something mystical and eccentric as he looked for his true identity. On top of that he coped with his emotional pain with all kinds of medications detouring him from his true self.

Unfortunately he had a tragedy when approximately 25 years ago his hair caught on fire filming a Pepsi commercial. As a result he went on pain medications and became addicted.

These pain killers not only took care of the physical burn pain but also his emotional pain and became a way for him to cope with not feeling loved and accepted. It created a long addiction that fatally took a toll on his body.

It is my prayer that this pain can be transformed into lessons of love for his family and loved ones remaining and that he continues on his journey of learning who he truly is. We will miss you Michael.

What are your programmed limiting beliefs and how are they keeping you in pain? How do you cope with them? What self sabotage are you currently creating? This is just an awareness game for yourself and is the first step in transforming these beliefs.

Stay tuned for steps to transforming these limiting beliefs.

Intuitive Life Coach Training / Rigby Idaho

Above: Checking out the hail storm during training. The view was spectacular. Thank you Diane for the use of your beautiful home!

Below: We were able to lift John out of the chair when we added visualization and intention with only 2 fingers!

From left to right: (upper) Leslie Johnson, Kathy Benjamin, Suzanne Woods, John Crystal, Sandra Weller, Daphne Taylor, Diane Merrill, Colleen Crystal

Considering being a Life Coach? Do you want to make a difference in others lives? Do you love energy work, discovering your spiritual gifts and personal development? Check out what some of our participants are saying…

“I learned so much about myself and how to heal. I am so excited to share it with others!”

“If you want to be truly enlightened and learn to make money using these gifts, attend!”

“This course helped me to discover my purpose, brought a lot to my awareness and now I can guide others through sessions and find their core limiting believes as well as discover their greatest strengths.” Colleen

“The training was perfect! It’s a great way to discover who you truly are and why you are on this journey. I am so excited to start coaching!” Kathy

Love means forgiveness

Kathy’s story

To truly love someone else, you must love yourself. It has taken me years to come to grips with that statement. All my life, I have looked to others to give me my happiness. I never knew how to love myself.

When you grow up being sexually abused by your father, who professes to love you, but tells you horrible lies and manipulates you so that his dirty little secret will not be discovered, how can you know what true love is?

You think daddy loves you, but deep down you know something is wrong. You internalize it and believe that there must be something wrong with you; not your daddy. This wonderful man kisses you, makes you feel good / bad, and promises you an ice cream cone if you’re a good girl.

The little girl in me never knew what real love was or how to love at all for that matter. She was only confused. She grew up looking for love; looking for others to provide happiness for her. She couldn’t find it because she didn’t experience it within herself. Believing all along there is something dreadfully wrong with her; “Why can’t I be normal like everyone else?” She painfully prayed over and over again.

I never had the foundation of self love to sustain me in life. I held onto all my limiting beliefs that told me I was powerless and worthless. They were the only identity I knew. They had become my best friend. It was the only thing consistent in my life. Self love was not possible for me as long as I was worthless.

These beliefs manifested through bursts of anger, repressed emotions, depression, anxiety, and then showed up physically in my body. It got to the point that my voice no longer worked. My trachea had literally created scar tissue for some unknown reason that prevented me from breathing and speaking very loud. All those years I felt I couldn’t speak up for myself created a literal physical manifestation of it.

My mother came to me five years ago in a dream. I asked her if my father had sexually abused me as a child. She told me only I could find the truth. I have been on a quest for the truth ever since. The truth is not only what happened to me as a child but a bigger question of “Who am I?”

My pain became overwhelming and I began searching for ways to clear it. At first I saw everyone else as the problem. I wondered how I would ever find joy and peace I so dearly wanted.

“Where is God? Why has he let me suffer so much? Did he abandon me? He should not let little children be used like this. I hate you God! I hate you daddy! I hate, I hate, I hate!”

But this hatred only eats my soul.

FORGIVE? How can I forgive? He’ll get away with it! I did nothing wrong! My father needs punishment, not forgiveness.”

Then Sandra referred me to a book that opened my understanding to forgiveness. “The Shack,” by William Paul Young.

In the shack God is having a conversation with Mack concerning forgiveness. The words pierced my soul as I read:

“Forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver. To release you from something that will eat you alive, that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly. By forgiving, you release him from a burden that he carries whether he knows it or not- acknowledges it or not. When you choose to forgive another, you love him well.
I want to help you take on the nature that finds more power in love and forgiveness than hate.”

“But it feels like if I forgive this guy he gets off free. How do I excuse what he did”

“Forgiveness does not excuse anything. And believe me, the last thing this man is, is free. And you have no duty to justice in this. I will handle that. Allowing my presence in you is the only way true forgiveness is ever possible.”

“But does forgiveness require me to pretend it never happened?” I pleaded

“Will you ever forget what happened to you? I don’t think so.

“So is it all right if I’m still angry?

“Absolutely! What he did was terrible. He caused incredible pain to many. It was wrong, and anger is the right response to something that is so wrong. But don’t let the anger and pain prevent you from forgiving him.”

At that moment I knew that hating my father had kept me in bondage, not my father.

Then I heard, “Let go Kathy. Trust in me. Find the love I have for you; I never abandoned you. It’s all about LOVE.”

I am now experiencing more peace in my life as I am forgiving my father. Even though he still denies it, I am able to forgive and free myself from the bonds of hatred that have held me down for so many years. Love has set me free.